nayela: (Default)
[personal profile] nayela
For most of my life, I've self-identified as an introvert. You know that handy rule of thumb that goes along the lines of 'Extroverts thrive on being around people; introverts need time alone to recharge'? I've always liked that one. It doesn't make any claims about people's actual enjoyment (or lack thereof) of social situations, or any judgements about their ability to handle human interaction. And the latter part fits me to a tee - I love my friends, but sometimes I just want to curl up alone and chill out by myself.

That feeling of 'I need a break from people' was almost constantly present during my teenage years, where I regarded other human beings largely as a threat. Those weren't good years. It took me ages to realize that being around my peer group was not necessarily a draining experience, that I could be part of a social circle without constantly watching my back. (Learning how not to alienate said social circle was a whole different can of worms...)

Fast forward to now. I still take breaks from being social when I need to - during family gatherings, games evenings, what have you. Being able to do this (because people are lovely and understand) is immensely helpful. But, the paradoxical thing is, my default method of doing so these days is hanging out on the internet and talking to more people online.

Somewhere in the past few years I've gone from being completely content all by myself to actively craving company. It's gone to the point that I'll voluntarily spend an extra night in a wet, muddy, literally freezing field just to party with my friends. And after whingeing for weeks about wanting a weekend off from traveling/doing stuff/having guests, I suddenly want nothing more than to trek out to Oxford and see if the usual suspects are up for pubbage. I think I'm losing my 'shy and retiring wallflower' cred here.

So, introvert or just poorly socialised? I'm not entirely sure anymore.
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